Appreciation: the Missing Piece of Dental-practice Coaching

Over the years, in hundreds of books, articles, and blogs, leadership has been described in a variety of ways: Transformational Leadership; Transactional Leadership; Servant Leadership; Autocratic Leadership; Laissez-faire Leadership; Democratic Leadership; Bureaucratic Leadership; and Charismatic Leadership. Each author defined leadership with their own view of what they believed constituted effective leadership. But when closely observed, strong leaders could be seen to operate between these various types of leadership depending on the situation and the people involved. Great leaders could move seamlessly from one kind of leadership to another throughout their day. For example, they could move from Transactional Leadership to Charismatic Leadership as they went from the C-Suite to the boardroom. Over the course of the last 40 years in my work in with leaders, I’ve noticed a kind of leadership that has yet to be distinguished in the literature. I’ve observed that if this particular kind of leadership if not present, the company will not succeed. This is a kind of leadership that, when lacking, blocks the real depth and power of leadership. I am calling this kind of leadership “Appreciative Leadership.” People need to be appreciated: this is a key feature of fundamental, critical work. People need to be appreciated for who they are and what they contribute. People want to be known; they want to be valued; they want to be honored; they want to be recognized. People want to feel that what they do - and who they are - makes a difference. In Autocratic Leadership, appreciation is not part of the interactions. It’s a one-way street: it’s purely top down: “Here’s what I want you to do.” When there is input from others, it can shift the conversation to Transactional Leadership, where requests and milestones are negotiated. But both Autocratic and Transactional leadership are about producing some goal or objective: they are not about the people who have to achieve the goal or objective. Feeling genuinely appreciated is uplifting. At the most basic level, it makes people feel safe, which is what frees them to do their best work. It’s also energizing. When people feel that their value is at risk, they become preoccupied with this, and it drains and diverts their energy from creating value. The Value of Appreciation For many of my clients, appreciating others is very difficult. Why is it that openly praising or expressing appreciation to other people at work can so easily seem awkward, contrived, and even disingenuous? The obvious answer is that most leaders are not fluent in the language of positive emotions in the workplace. They’re so unaccustomed to sharing them that they don’t feel comfortable doing so. Heartfelt appreciation is a muscle they haven’t spent much time building - nor felt encouraged to build. When I’m working with leaders and I drill down to below the “waterline,” the deeper mechanism that inhibits communicating appreciation is readily revealed. Why is it so difficult to appreciate and acknowledge others? It becomes apparent that the leaders who can’t find it in themselves to appreciate others have fundamental beliefs about their own value, and their own worth, that negate being appreciated. Their conclusion is they don’t deserve appreciation. If you can’t have it for your yourself, you can’t give it to others. This often leads to the next stage of dental-practice coaching work with leaders: to uncover their inner critic and then go about “slaying these dragons.” It’s the inner critic’s voice that repeats the same self-defeating and demeaning mantras. If the leader doesn’t deserve to be appreciated, then he or she can’t see it and acknowledge it in others. Once leaders break the chains anchored to these self-limiting dragons, they can open the door to appreciation. A simple test: when you do your internal survey with people, add one weighted statement. Make sure the survey is confidential and autonomous. “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not appreciated and 10 being fully appreciated, how would you score your level of appreciation.” If it’s 8.5 and above, you’re in good shape. Appreciation in Dental Practice Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart, once said, "appreciate everything your people do. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune." Likewise, Donald Peterson, former chairman of Ford Motor Company, said the most important ten minutes of his day were spent boosting the people around him. Whether or not you subscribe to the “Tiger Mom” philosophy of not over-indulging children in praise, the truth is that as human beings we all want to be valued and be recognized for our efforts. It's not about being needy, but simply feeling appreciated. There's a distinct difference. In my work in organizations and in my life beyond it, I’ve yet to meet a person who felt over-encouraged, over-appreciated or over-praised. I do, however, regularly encounter people who feel just the opposite. In fact, when running leadership programs, one of the most popular exercises is focused on giving and receiving acknowledgment and praise. So many - too many - people feel like their effort isn't acknowledged and go to work every day starved for appreciation. It's not because they're insecure or needy. It's because they are human. - Marc